GEAR POST-MORTEM #043: The 99-Cent Poncho

Cheap rain ponchos with excellent aerodynamic drag.

7/5/20261 min read

🖤 GEAR POST-MORTEM #043: The 99-Cent Poncho

Date: May 22, 2005 | Status: Shredded | Cause of Death: Aerodynamic Failure

A tragic tale of high ambition and incredibly thin polyethylene.

The Mission: Keep a Danger Girl dry during a sudden afternoon downpour.
The Incident: Deployed from its tiny, 3x3 inch square packet, the emergency poncho immediately showed signs of sentience, refusing to let the armholes line up with actual human arms. Once successfully donned, a mild 8 mph breeze picked up.
The Fatal Wound: The poncho instantly transformed into a high-drag sail, violently billowing backward before catching on a passing twig. The resulting tear immediately propagated up the entire seam, splitting the poncho into a dynamic, two-piece plastic cape that provided zero protection from rain but excellent aerodynamic drag.
The Aftermath: Huddled under a pine tree looking like a garbage bag that lost a fight with a lawnmower.

Danger Girl Verdict: Rest in pieces. Next time, we’re just using a trash bag. At least the trash bag has structural integrity.